Master?

After two years of dedicated study above and beyond college a stalwart student will earn what is called a master's degree.

The same degree that Heman earned in Astrophysics (as he was a master of the universe). This degree is very special, although it is not customary to call those who have achieved this degree master, such as Master Smith or Master Joe, perhaps it should be.

My Brother B. last year earned his own master's degree. This allowed for several jokes as to whether everyone will now have to refer to him as master or not. Which of course leads to the need for designing rules as to who needs to address a masters recipient as master and who does not.

Master Rules:
1.You have to refer to a masters recipient as master, with the exception of if you yourself have a masters degree or higher(ex. JD PhD MD).

2. Rule one has the exception where masters may refer to each other by master for the sake of recreating the funny situations where a group of doctors keep calling each by the title of doctor. (Excuse me doctor. Oh by all means doctor. Did you catch the game last night, doctor?)

3. Another exception is if you are married to the person you are referring to, then you do not have to refer to them as master. This is because due to the demands placed on a spouse, all and every degree earned with the accompaniment of said spouse is equitably earned by both parties. Grandfathered into this rule is that this stills holds for a spouse who was married after the said degree has been achieved. This extension of the rule is to allow for more peaceful marital relationships.

4. Children do not have to refer to anyone as master, this is a right given to minors which is surrender once they legally become an adult. The rule is especially beneficial for toddlers who have enough difficulty saying mama and dada, let alone master smith. This rule also exists because the chances of teenagers actually obeying this law is so remote we would have few remaining teenagers (this of course assumes a heavy punishment would be assigned to failure to abide by the above rules).

5. There is a long standing debate whether a master's own children should have to call them by master once the reach the age of 18. The agreed upon decision is that the title of Dad and Mom largely outweigh in terms of value and respect the title of master or even doctor for that matter. With this decision has come the stipulation that if a child starts to refer to their parent by their first name, the mentioned parent may request proper identification of his master's title before their name.

6. With age comes wisdom, for this reason once a person is 15 years your senior or more they have no obligation to call you master. This is just as well because no parent will ever call their own child master. As for the small loophole this creates, we think it is a fair one.

7. When an individual is saying master he/she may, to show added respect, bow slightly or give a winning smile. It is also acceptable to roll your eyes each time you say this or slur your words together to show less respect.

These rules will help ensure that people seek out after these wonderful degrees. Please email or comment if you can think of any other beneficial rules (all proposed rules go through an intense screening process and Dr. Joe[myself] has overall veto power).